From the morning mailbag, You might be a taliban if . . .
You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
You have more wives than teeth.
You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
I think I shouldn't have to say this but I am not a hamster, I know all too well in today's world that too many people are humor impaired and thus I have to take a second and explicitly state here that this article is intended as HUMOR (i.e. it's effing funny!) and is not intended to offend anyone unless of course you actually ARE a Taliban, in which case I not only don't care if it bothers you, I hope it does!
Having said that, feel free to leave additions to the list in the comments. Let's see how creative you can get.