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Exercise Bike As A Torture Device


Posted by Non-Hamster on December 16th, 2009

If you think that the only way an exercise bike could be a torture device is if somebody were to pull a stunt reminiscent of something out of one of the SaW movies and chain you to it and rig the thing so that a bomb would explode if you stopped pedaling, or pedaled too slow then I'm here to tell you that I can assure you that it doesn't take Jigsaw to make a torture device out of one.

I am not a hamster, It's no secret that I'm overweight and trying to lose it.  One of the things that I'm doing toward that end is to do as much time as I can tolerate on said exercise bike in an effort to both burn more calories than I consume and get my metabolism going faster so that it'll be easier to burn off the unwanted pounds.  However I am at the point now where I think I'm going to dig through the shed to see if I can find one of those big outdoor cushions like you'd use on lawn furniture or something like that because the one major problem that I have found with exercise bikes is that the seats are *always* designed like they're only ever going to be used by a skinny person.

The problem is that what qualifies as a seat for those lightweight skinny minnies feels more like the jolly green giant giving a rectal examination when you weigh over 300 pounds.  Not exactly what I would consider encouragement to use the effing thing is it.  Oh, I know, that's a truly ugly picture but try it sometime.  Strap 150 pounds of sandbags on your back and then spend 30 minutes on the bike.  I promise you that you'll be walking funny when you get off of it and cursing the designer in the most colorful, creative terms you can think of.

Technorati Tags: exercise bike, painful, design flaw, seat

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5 Comments

  1. Doos on 18.12.2009 at 02:28 (Reply)


    You are a fat fuck, the best way to lose the pounds is to eat less… Your CO2 footprint is killing the world. Obese mother fucker! Lay off the happy meals, retard!

    1. Non-Hamster on 18.12.2009 at 06:00 (Reply)


      First.  You don’t have to tell me that I’m fat.  I, more than anyone else on God’s Earth, am fully aware of that.
      .
      Second.  It might surprise you that eating less is only part of losing weight and a relatively small part at that.

      Third.  My CO2 footprint is killing the world?  I don’t have that much influence, in fact, nobody does.  Also, if you believe that CO2 is a problem, you’ll probably be interested in the next episode of Points of View which should be completed on or before Wed. Dec. 23rd.

      Fourth. I do not eat “happy meals” nor, in fact, have I ever done so.

      Fifth. You, calling me a retard?  Pot, Kettle, Black.  That is a classic example of stupidity.  Not to be confused with ignorance because ignorance can be cured, stupidity is permanent.

      Sixth. Your mother is ashamed of you.  I say this because in my experience (which is considerably more than yours I’m certain), most women and mothers in particular have more sense than to behave like you have in your comment and they generally disapprove of their children doing so.

  2. Grumpy on 19.12.2009 at 00:28 (Reply)


    It is nice to read intelligent comments on the internet, instead of poorly spelled criticism.  One thing that i was taught is that resorting to crudity usually shows a certain lack of intelligence and schooling.  Doos person, please think seriously about finishing your schooling.  Preferable finishing the grade school education.  It always helps.

    1. Non-Hamster on 19.12.2009 at 00:34 (Reply)


      I know what you mean.  When I was MUCH younger I saw a quote that said resorting to profanity indicated a mental and moral bankruptcy.  I believe that in most cases that’s true.  (what can I say, almost all rules have exceptions.)

  3. Clicker on 19.12.2009 at 00:29 (Reply)


    Ummmm….yes.

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