He’s at it again. I knew it was “too quiet” around here for entirely too long. Mr. Helpful has been working on another of his famous (infamous?) weight loss formulas. He invited me over this morning to hear all about his latest creation and out of pure morbid curiosity I went. Mostly because I wanted to know what it is that’s kept him mostly out of circulation for so long.
He announced that he’s come up with what is possibly the best weight loss aid yet (knowing him it might be the most unique but that’s as far as I’m willing to go.) and began to explain that his latest theory is that if the skin could be tightened up enough that the body would react by burning off enough fat to loosen it up again.
He says that the first step is to cover the entire body in wrinkle removers such as eyeseryl, then to carry the fight inward, he has concocted a drink that is intended to have a similar effect on the inside of the entire digestive tract. He explained that this would not only have the tight skin effect but would also inhibit the absorption of fat from foods in the first place.
Judging by the smell in his “lab” I had no doubt about that last part. It’s pretty hard to eat anything for the body to absorb when you’re busy retching so hard you expect to see your shoes coming out of your mouth.
Thankfully my recent health issues gave me the perfect excuse to avoid being a test subject for his new creation. I just told him that my doctor has me on a strict treatment plan and that I’m not to start anything new without first checking with him.
Thinking about it now, I wonder how long I can milk that excuse?
[tags]nutjob hills, humor, weight loss, tight skin, wrinkles, weird, odd[/tags]