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The Ever Present Bologna Sandwich

Posted by Non-Hamster on May 7th, 2010

In spite of how long I've lived here and some of the things that I've seen from the wackier denizens of Nutjob Hills I have to admit that they can still surprise me.  One good example is a guy whom I'll call "Oscar".

Oscar is for the most part, a fairly normal guy.  He works five days a week in a local retail store, pays his taxes, takes good care of his wife and kids.  He tinkers with his car, mows his lawn, takes out the garbage and dutifully brings the trash cans to the street every Sunday night for the trash pickup on Monday morning.

In all honesty, there's only one thing about him that gives him away as a native born resident of Nutjob Hills and that would be the bologna sandwich.  You see, he always has at least one on him at all times.

I first encountered him last winter while I was attending to some business in city center.  He was getting out of his car and headed into the store that he now works at when he stopped and pulled a bologna sandwich out of his coat pocket, took a bite and put it back before heading into the store.  (I later learned that he's liable to do this at any given moment regardless of where he is or what's going on.)

Now you'd think that suddenly taking a bite out of a sandwich in the middle of an interview would not qualify as a good job search tactic but strangely enough, in his case, it actually got him the job.  Apparently he explained to his would-be employer that he has an eating disorder and that it requires him to be able to eat something quickly at almost random times.  As a result, he hardly ever eats anything but bologna sandwiches.

He got the job.  Partly because of honesty in explaining his odd behavior and partly because the owner reasoned that if this guy is forever munching bologna sandwiches he would not be eating the product the way most employees end up doing.

Honestly, I have to say that Oscar turned out to not be quite as odd as many around here but I'm still a bit queasy every time I see him pull an unwrapped sandwich out of his pocket while he's jogging or mowing the lawn and take a bite.

Technorati Tags: nutjob hills, odd, weird, strange, humor

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  1. Mike on 09.05.2010 at 23:07 (Reply)

    I’ve stumbled upon your blog quite a few times now, and I generally stop and read some of your entries.  I got to wondering, did you ever think that your neighbors see you as “the weird blogger who tells the internet about his town”?  You talk about these “nutjobs” in a tone that implies you’re the only normal person surrounded by insanity.  But in my humble opinion, your sanctimonious blogs make you a nutjob with the best of them.

    So cheers! “normal” person.  Have a nice day :)

    1. Non-Hamster on 12.05.2010 at 19:15 (Reply)

      On the other hand, you talk about Nutjob hills as if it were a real place and it’s citizens were real people.  Are they?  Have I ever said they were?  Or is this merely fiction to entertain?

      If it is real, you can be assured that I have anonymized everything I write.

      Oh and for the record, the local citizens are aware that I am a writer.  Though very few have ever thought to ask what kind of writer.

  2. Mike on 12.05.2010 at 04:42 (Reply)

    No wonder you rarely have comments, you delete them as they’re posted.

    1. Non-Hamster on 12.05.2010 at 19:16 (Reply)

      Not so.  It merely took me several days to approve your comments.

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