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I think that I may have come up with a great way to get "more for our money" out of politicians.  The answer is to require them to drink more coffee.  Specifically, they need to drink lots of very strong coffee for the entire time that Congress is in session.  This would serve to keep them awake more and allow them to have the chance to get more done.  All they need is to invest in a few dozen espresso machines and they're in business.

Of course, then we'd need to hire "Caffeine Intake Activity Observers" to insure that they actually drank the high-powered coffee.  C.I.A.O. officers would also have the secondary function of making sure that the highly caffeinated politicians didn't waste all that extra awake time and wired nerve state on partying and having a good time instead of getting their work done.

Now I am not a hamster, I realize that there would be plenty of objections to this plan.  I'll even go so far as to admit that politicians are people too and deserve humane treatment.  (which is one of the reasons that C.I.A.O. would only be after them while Congress was IN session, when not in session they would be free to abstain from caffeine entirely if they so desire.)

So, the next time you communicate with a politician be sure to remind them of this plan, it is entirely possible that the threat of enacting the caffeine plan would inspire them to get a lot more actual work done and a lot less partying at the taxpayers expense.

This way, something like a simple "Ciao" can, when used speaking to a politician, become so much more than an acknowledgment that can be used to say hello or goodbye. 

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