Formal Toast

I’ll be the first to admit that Bob is perhaps the single most eccentric gerbil that I have ever encountered. For that matter, he’s more eccentric than just about anyone or anything I’ve ever heard of.

However in spite of that, I seriously doubt that even he would go so far as this latest rumor has claimed.

The anonymous source of this rumor says that Bob has developed a habit of formally “dressing for dinner” and I don’t mean that he makes it a point to put some clothes on before eating. I’m talking about doing the full formal tuxedo thing just to sit down to supper.

The unknown rumormonger also says that this mealtime formality now also includes breakfast and that not only does Bob get all formal before eating, he also insists that his meal be equally as formal right down to french toast uniforms and exacting details about the appearance of each and every food on the menu. Our rumormonger source also says that if any item does not meet specifcations to three decimal places then the entire meal is considered ruined and is sent back to the cook to be remade from scratch.

Yeah, Bob’s eccentric alright but this . . . this is ridiculous in the extreme.

What I want to know is just what mind altering substance was the rumormonger using when they thought up this one and can we get it all destroyed before any other minds are ruined?

17 Stupid Things To Do At Wal-Mart

We all know that WalMart is famous for people doing strange and stupid things. What many don’t know is that doing stupid things at WalMart is rapidly becoming a national passtime.

I personally do not recommend doing stupid things, especially in public places but if you absolutely have to (or your just really THAT bored), here’s a list of 17 suggestions to get you started.

1. Take a shopping cart and fill it with stuff then leave it in the middle of an isle. Repeat until there are two or three abandoned carts in every isle.

2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals all day.

3. Sample all of the air fresheners, spraying them all in the same area to make an “interesting smell”.

4. Repeat number 3 with perfumes.

5. Have a sword fight with rolls of wrapping paper.

6. Set all of the radios to a polka station and then turn them all off with the volume at max.

7. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in forever!” etc. Just to see if they will play along to avoid embarrassment.

8. Move a “Caution: Wet Floor” sign to a carpeted area.

9. Follow someone through the store, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave.

10. Try to put a candy bar on layaway

11. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

12. Randomly rearrange how products are shelved.

13. Put the ketchup in the meat case next to the hot dogs.

14. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

15. Put a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.

16. Rearrange the CDs in electronics.

17. Leave a trail of orange juice on the floor leading to the restrooms

What would you add to the list? Let me know in a comment!

Still No Bob

It’s now been at least a couple of months since Bob disappeared and I’m no closer to knowing exactly what the heck is going on with him now than I was the day he turned up missing.

The rumors and alleged “Bob sightings” continue, each seems to be more unlikely than the last. One person claims to have been hitchhiking on Interstate 70 when a Semi pulled over and gave him a ride. Allegedly Bob was driving the 53 foot rig cross country for a moving company. Another person claims that Bob contracted with him to buy 3,432 pairs of headphones that were then to be delivered to a small diner on a little used side road in the backwoods of Montana in cases labeled “Fruit Baskets”.

Obviously neither of these can possibly be true and the mystery of Bob’s whereabouts continues.

[tags]nutjob hills, bob, missing, odd, strange, wierd[/tags]

Close But No Cigar

In the ongoing case of Bob’s disappearance there’s been an incredible wealth of rumor about where he’s gone and what he’s up to.

Recently there’s been a number of rumors that would indicate that he has become an undercover operative investigating a worldwide pool scam. Offered as so-called ‘evidence’ is the claim that before he left Bob ordered two cases of cao cigars online because he felt he needed them to blend in with the quote international pool underground unquote.

I have three things to say about this.

1. There is no such thing as an international pool underground. Why should there be? There’s nothing wrong with playing pool.

2. Bob doesn’t smoke. pipes, cigarettes OR cigars. never has, never will.

3. Even if 1 and 2 were not true, Bob couldn’t play pool if he wanted to. He’s only about two and a half times the size of the balls. He couldn’t even lift one of them, never mind a cue stick.

[tags]nutjob hills, bob, missing, rumors, wierd[/tags]

Missing Rodent

Bob is missing. I haven’t seen him since last week when I was talking about some of his latest exploits.

There’s no clues at all. He is simply not there. No signs of foul play at all, no note or anything. I *KNOW* that he hasn’t just up and left because his collection of “Babes of Star Trek gone wild” is still here and if he’s going to be gone for more than a few hours he *always* takes at least some of that collection with him. Right now the entire collection is here, filed away in order like he always does.

I’m wondering what he could possibly be up to that would be so important that he wouldn’t even stop to pick up at least some of his favorite collection to take with him like he normally always does.

[tags]weird, nutjob hills, bob, missing[/tags]